nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
