watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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