hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
