You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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