I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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