When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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