Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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