sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
