3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
