The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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