It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
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He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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