"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is Oprah even human
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
