If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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