Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
