i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
