I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
