Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You pole danced in your parka.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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