so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize