One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
