eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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