I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
