i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
