he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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