Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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