Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
