if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
