Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
id be glad to
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
