dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize