i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
