i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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