Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
