We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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