Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
