You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
