Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
