we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
