I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
