i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
