genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
