I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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