don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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