I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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