Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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