drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
