The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
