He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
