I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
