Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
