Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
