I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i love accidental penises.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
