I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
