Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Be still, my beating vagina.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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