this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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