it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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