Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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