how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
