Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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