i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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